Thursday, December 9, 2010

Things I've Heard in College, Quarter I

I'm sure I'm going to have a few of these collections of off-handed college-isms, but here is my first collection.

Now remember, this is college, so some of this stuff might be explicit, pointless, and sometimes really funny.

Or better read: This isn't censored.

In class during role call (in a 140-student class), a kid in the back yelled "Tough Luck and Catch ON. Set, Start!" Yep, the intro narration to a Firefight match in Halo: Reach (and ODST). Only a few people heard him and appreciated it.

My really young-looking math teacher told us to use peers and tutors before asking him for help, because he wouldn't be there to bang on our doors every night and see if we get it. A girl in the back said to her friends (and a few rows), "Yeah, but you still can at my apartment."

Group of guys in the hall, one says: "--I'm continually confusing friendship with lust--"

Large group of people in line were telling jokes and a girl jumped in: "Okay, I don't remember the joke, but it had something to do with three guys..."
Guy: "--I like where this is going--"
Girl:"...a bull, a building, a fridge, and St. Peter asking how they all died..."
Another guy: "Hey, I think I wrote that one!"

Another group of people before late-night dinner.
Guy: "Okay, question mark. What happens when Siamese twins marry? Is it to two people?"
Girl: "No, they're two separate people--"
Another guy: "--Hold on! Two Siamese twins marry another pair of Siamese twins!"
First Guy: "Boom goes the dynamite!"

While playing Halo: Reach:
"I'm going for rockets...Guy is going for rockets...He has rockets...Rockets got me."

Guy: "Hey, Evan!"
Evan: "Yeah?"
Guy: "Fuck you!"
Evan: "Why?!"
Guy: "I dunno, later."
Evan: "See ya."

Two guys walking up the street, as I pass one sniffs the air loudly and says "Bitches be ovulating!"

Someone walking in the rain in sandals and no jacket: "It's fucking shitty out today."

Two girls in the bookstore:
Girl 1: ".. and it was the best time ever!"
Girl 2: "That sounds so good! I wanna have fake arguments with my boyfriend now, just for that make-up sex!"

Girls in hall before math: "I wish the University would stop being cheap and buy shower curtains that won't attack you while you're in there. It's so gross knowing it's done that to other people."
(That one is sad because of this; it's not cheap curtains, it's physics).

Guys on my floor playing Halo and getting owned:
Guy 1: "I like you better when you're drunk!"
Guy 2: "I like you better when you're more sober!"

Saturday morning cafeteria brunch:
"Fuck this fancy stuff, I'm gonna see if they have Reese's for breakfast!"

Man getting out of a very flatulent stall: "Battle shits is the best way to start the day."

My English teacher: "Instead of watching TV, I sit at my computer and come up with really bad sentences."

My roommate and I playing Halo: Reach
Rob: "I'm going to the bathroom. If I'm not back, keep playing and I'll come with glorious redemption."
Me: "--That's what she said."

My math teacher during registration week:
"So, I tried registering for my own class just to be funny, and it turns out I couldn't because I haven't met the prerequisites."

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