Things I've Heard In College, QII

A continuation of Things I've Heard in College, from first quarter. This time most of the funny comments were made by my professors. Remember, it is unedited and uncensored.

"Wait, did you just ask me to compare homework answers and then ask what I put for my name?"

My teacher, an enjoyable older woman:

"My, you're all wet! I saw a young man walking to campus in the rain without a coat. He had on a red shirt and cowboy boots, so I think it was more of an attitudinal thing."

Another teacher talking about test dates:

"They're flexible. Because there could be snow days, or I could get hit by a train; you never know."

Student in coffee shop:

"Holy buckets!...Lookatallthecoffee!" [Yes, as one word].

Teacher talking about ethics and morality:

"What is moral? Let's ask Cameron; he shoots zombies all day."

Guy 1: "Wait, how are you two have a black kid?" 

(Talking to his two white friends: guy and a girl)

Guy 2: "From my penis!"

Girl: "We never explained that he's selectively black."

In the dining hall:

"Yes, I am using America as a unit of measurement in this situation." 

The whiteboards in class had notes from an earlier class that read:

"Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure (1988)
Pirates of the Caribbean (2008)" and a few other scribbles and odd notes.

My teacher erased all but the "Bill and Ted's..." and justified it with "It was the only thing worth keeping up."

 During psych, my teacher was explaining the differences in experiments and observation:

"What if I studied the reaction of undergrads when exposed to a pipebomb? Set it up, set it off, and watch it; what would this be called?"

"Terrorism!" Yelled a student.

"Okay. What if the pipebomb shoots out mini-marshmallows; or money at a very low-trajectory; or like $20 giftcards to iTunes?" My teacher edited.

"Fun terrorism??" Another student retorted.

Greek literature teacher:

"What did Hesiod say about women that wore short-shorts and shook their hips when they walked?"

Students: "They wanted your food!"

Teacher: "Yes. They were after your barn. They knew you have a granary full of grain!"

Student close to me whispered: "Hey-yo!"

Student to teacher: "Satan has goat feet?"
Teacher: "Well, last time I saw him he did. You can't see them when he wears his stiletto boots, though."

Me to a friend: "You walk slower because you have a leisurely way of life."

Friend: "Yeah, I stop to smell the roses, and I forget I have allergies so I sneeze and start coughing and its just no good."

Teacher during lecture: "Putting electrodes on the brain would give me the sensation of someone feeling my digits--Whoa, that sounds dirty."

Advice from teacher: "Blasting and conceiving should never go together."

Student in line for dinner, "There's a time for teasing--and I always seem to do it at the wrong time."

Teacher: "I'm a mathematician--I'm horrible with numbers."