Saturday, June 4, 2011

Things I've Heard In College, Quarter III

Girl at the dining hall to her friends (and half the room): "I have a big announcement to make: I know how to make Baja Blast! It is basically blue gatorade and Mountain Dew!"

Woman outside of a house party, "I know how much I weigh: 93 pounds, and five shots."

"Hey, dude, were you in my Econ class last quarter--sat in the back--drank Four Loko in class."
"Yeah, I don't know why everyone made a big deal about it."

"With the utmost respect and love, I call you guys "The Scroll Down Generation.""

Cinema teacher holding a strip of film from a reel: "What if I fell off a spaceship from Mars, that was somehow orbiting Bellingham, Washington--the supposed cultural center of the Universe--how would you explain this to me?"

"We've all seen a Godzilla film, buzzed at 3 a.m....Was I the only one? (somewhat-silence) It was a great spring vacation."

"I don't mind breasts, but I'd rather not show you cockfighting in class. Is that weird for anyone?"

Pack of guys sitting in Red Square, watching the ladies walk around.
Guy 1: "The one thing I have discovered in college that I love: yoga pants."
Guy 2: "Really? You've never seen them before?"
Guy 1: "Nope. I went to a Catholic high school. So this is awesome right now."

"NASA should have cheerleaders! You would get up at 4 a.m. to watch something get shot off into space if NASA had cheerleaders."

"Fuck! This Goofy Movie shit is cramping my night!"

Two guys walking around: "I love this weather! All the booty shorts are coming out and the tank tops are showing!"[They high-fived]

Guy in line ahead of me swagging it up with the barista while ordering coffee.
Barista: "May I help you?"
Guy: "Yes, but I'm not sure what I want. (Looks at menu a moment). You look like a woman with great taste. Why don't you surprise me with something you like, and I'll try it."
The barista winked at him and wrote down the mystery drink on the cup (and maybe even her number by the way she smiled).

Accounting teacher talking about depreciation of items: "We can't make the computer disappear, like with Harry Potter's wand magic. What would it be...not 'disappear'...Anyone know how to cast a wand spell?...'Disappeario!' (wand-flick motion)...Sorry, I really like Harry Potter."

"I find it strange it's okay to show kids peoples' heads blowing up and sing-alongs with purple dinosaurs, but people freak out the moment a woman's breast--something they will actually see in life--is shown on television."

"Don't ask me to draw: I can't draw a straight line with a ruler."

Me during Halo: Reach: "Sorry, that was my grenade. I threw it like an hour ago."
Roommate that was inadvertently targeted: "It's okay, I watched Dodgeball."

Film teacher: "Seems like a lot of people are under the impression that 4-20 is an actual holiday. All of you nice enough to be here will be rewarded, and not in a way related to the date."

A student in the back of a big lecture class (with slanted, concrete floors) knocked over their glass bottle (of V8, Starbucks, or Whiskey, I don't know). It rolled down quite a ways, and then hit something and shattered. From the moment it was knocked over, the attention of the class and teacher was on the sound. There was a moment of "They're gonna get it" silence after the glass shattered, and then the teacher smiles and says, "You guys are seriously giving me flashbacks." And proceeded with the lecture like nothing happened.

After watching The Graduate in class, teacher ends with: "Contrary to popular belief, people from this era did have a sense of humor, and procreated once and a while."

"You should take a bat, hang it from the ceiling, and smash the pinata against it!"

Teacher scans the lecture hall before starting class: "Oh, a lot of you are imitating empty chairs today. Well, it is a beautiful day, and it'll only get harder as the quarter passes, but you should still try to make it to class, I'll make it worth your while."

"If I had 1% of what Avatar made, I would buy an island! I wouldn't be here, you'd have to come to me to learn about cinema."

When asked about if a question would be on the math final, teacher says: "I can neither confirm nor deny the existence of said question on the final--to cover my ass about it."

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