Things I've Heard in College, QVI

"Why is it that we recognize Barack Obama as the first black President, not the President born to an anthropologist? His mother was an anthropologist, you didn't know that? I'm sure you can find it on his birth certificate."

Anthropology teacher trying to draw parallels between hijra in India and an equivalent here: "I just don't get the sense from the buskers downtown that if I don't pay them they'd mess with my reproductive future."

"You can do whatever you want! I don't want to sound like Dr. Seuss, but CSS is quite powerful!"

"I ordered crummy weather. It will be raining all weekend so you can read. That is not what I ordered!" Pointing accusingly outside at the sunshine.


"If you ask your girl if she is happy two days ago, but then you messed things up since then and she says it's not so good now, listen to what she says now, not two days ago." Computer science teacher explaining ordering of CSS.

Teacher was half-mumbling appreciation and congrats to himself mid-lecture then looks at the class with a smile: "We are very nice to each other."

"I say weird things by default."

"There's nothing wrong with girls asking for it like: 'Give it to me!' Is he treating you right, you know, giving you heat between the sheets?" Girl on phone between classes.

"If I kick the form, what will it do? It will slap me right back is what it's going to do!"

"We are not talking about Java, just Javascript. I will not talk about Java anymore. I'm only going to say it two more times: Java, Java." Later in the same lecture: "Javascript is weakly-typed, and one that is strongly-typed is...that other one I can't say anymore."

"D- and D--. It's like dead and completely dead in this class."

"I would be happy to be in a threesome with Colbert and Stewart. I feel like I'd get left out a little, but that's just fine."

"All my crushes are either married, gay, or both."

"They were a caste--and not a group of people that put on plays--or the mix of plaster and gauze to set bones."

"Why wouldn't they set up inheritances to dogs? Because dogs are notorious financial managers!"

My Anthropology teacher had a tough time with his computer wanting to restart Firefox, and one of the reminder boxes would pop up every class. It became a running gag with him to mention it:

"And so the Chinese had this long, luxurious history...and they didn't have to deal with Firefox, now did they?"
"Did I do that? It just sort of invaded! Go away!"
"The Japanese had the Three Treasures, or Royal Regalia...and none of them were Firefox."

"Buy a car that was built on Tuesday or Wednesday, not Monday or Friday: people are still asleep on Mondays and just want to leave on Fridays."

Astronomy teacher comparing planetary orbits with carnival rides: "It is like the Merry-Go-Round--nonono--Merry-Go-Round is too easy. It's like the spider!"

"And then the monks would get drunk on wine. I hope I don't offend anyone, but oh well: it's casually offending Friday!"

Student's ringtone went off at the start of lecture, so the teacher played around and danced: "My ringtone is better than yours! What was that, Coldplay??"

When calling on students to answer questions, the teacher showed some of his nationalism: "American shirt? No. You, is that an Italia shirt? Anyone else? Maybe wearing a German shirt?"

In response to students falling asleep in class, teacher mentioned "These chairs are too comfy. We should have wooden chairs...with spikes!"

"You can get that feeling of weightlessness when you fall down an elevator...shaft."

"...and sometimes that star just becomes a pathetic ball of hydrogen, doing nothing."

"The extra credit for this class is...a five-page paper...with 10 font..on the history of black holes in the past 50 years...in German. For those that can't tell, I am joking: There is no extra credit in this class."